I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
