ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
