He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
