Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Randomize