Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
