he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
