i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
