At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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