You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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