You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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