yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
