I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
