Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
