I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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