just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
she looked like the before picture.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Randomize
