every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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