Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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