So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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