So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
