life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
