I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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