WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize