I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
