I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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