the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
