Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
