My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
