The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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