Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
