Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
