he puts the penis in happiness.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
