You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
