if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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