Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
