she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
