Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
