I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize