if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
