If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
