went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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