Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
