my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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