im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
