i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
