matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
