Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
