No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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