He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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