I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
