Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
