You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
