Whoa Z and x make the same sound
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
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