I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
