How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
