that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
