I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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