I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
