If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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