just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
