Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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