oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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