Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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