Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
