I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
