i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
