A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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