Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
one might say we're banned from that church
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
