just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I can't turn off my feet"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize