White coat. Heels.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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