so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
