the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
