I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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